Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic!
by Weather Report
Summary: Yugioh GX has a fantastic dub. Here lies the novelization of said dub. I'm not sorry.
1. Episode 1: The Next King of Games

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic!

Episode 1: The Next King of Games

Duel Monsters…the game of champions. In this 20XX future, economies are fueled by it. Companies, wagered and lost on simple OTK-fueled matches held by proud incompetents. To fuel a more healthy corporate climate, Seto Kaiba, the world's most reclusive and affluent man, has established distinguished Academies across the globe to nurture better talents for these so-called…Duels.

With this day's new advancements in solid hologram technology, the battleground has become a more dangerous yet enticing world for the nerdiest of gladiators to swoop upon, so that they too can scoop the spoils with the skulls of their enemies and drink deep the lifeblood of success, to take in the sweet sunshine of victories won and yet to be won! …And yet, the losses spurred by the ultimate in corporate cannibalism have been too great to bear.

For the hefty blows to the now-scanty media has resulted in a new kind of youth.

"Dunyeernyeer, dinineeryNRRRRRRN," air-strummed one Jaden Yuki, soloing through the park at top speed. "Alright, late for the entrance exam! So I probably still have time for a power-slide!" He took a healthy leap, threw up the devil horns, and bent the knees so as to let the legs drink up that sweet, sweet pavement…  
"STARS AND GARTERS!" wheezed Yugi Muto as Jaden double-knee'd him in the part of the back you can't reach. The two sprawled out over the road, gaining many proud bruises along the way. "Ahh, ahh, ohh, ahh, whyyyy?" he sobbed with a voice that could command kings.  
"AH!" gasped Jaden. "YUGI!"  
"Yuki," Yugi 'ey'd.  
He shook his head. "Jaden."  
" _Jaden_ Yuki?" Yugi sensually corrected.  
"Jaden Yuki, Yugi," Jaden proudly accepted.  
"Yugi! Yugi Yugi!" Yugi laughed. He then slipped a trading card into Jaden's shirt collar and took off into the bushes like a maniac.  
"Wow," Jaden sniffled, stifling a sob, "I just got the hell confused outta me by the real Yugi Muto…" He turned to the fabled woods from whence he fled and screamed, "I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME, SOMEDAY!"  
The star-haired man peeked up from behind a particularly far-away bush and yelled, "OKAY," with a friendly wave. The boy plucked the card from his shirt and gave it a good gander.  
"Please be Dark Magician please be Dark Magician"It was the naught-fabled Winged Kuriboh.  
(300/200; If this card on the field is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard: For the rest of this turn, you take no battle damage.)  
"OOH," it cooed.  
"NYEEYGH," the boy squealed in recoil.

Meanwhile, acres away from the metropoliscape up on the dusty hill was a massive, newly-constructed Duel Dome as white as fresh-purchased snow. Within its tasty center was an arena large enough to hold fifty school buses and at least 150,000 trading cards. The arena was cordoned off into four playing fields, each pitting one official proctor against one eager schoolchild. Winners got sent off to school. Losers got sent HOME TO MAMA. " _Will all winners please proceed to the seating area, and losers try not to stink up the joint?_ " buzzed the intercom. " _Because you stink and should feel bad._ " And high above the rabble where the teachers could see it all sat a professor who resembled a painted-up Louis the Nth, replace for any numerals, dressed in a fancy blue Yu-Gi-Oh coat decorated in frills, spills and thrills.  
 _Yes, farewell, rabble._ _Off with you to your homes of sod!_ "I'm calling them poor people who live in dirt in my mind," explained the professor. A few fellows shuffled even further away.

The resident blue-haired nerdo (Note: You can tell he is a nerd because he has glasses) Syrus Truesdale sat his four-pound body down and heaved a sigh of desperate relief. "I'm glad that's over," he sighed (Sy-ed?).  
"WWWWOWZA lookit 'em go, uh-huh!" burst Jaden, two inches from his face. Syrus silently clutched at his chest. "Uh…hey, you okay bub-o?"  
Syrus pounded on his chest like an old computer a few times and said, "Ah there it goes. That was the big one."  
"Wow! Look at THAT game!" Jaden cried obliviously!

Back down in the Duel Pit stood Bastion Misawa in his smart-kid clothes and fancy Duelin' Disk wrist-whatsit with a single Vorse Raider and a face-down Trap card. Facing him down were a couple of no-name Monsters and a man wearing indoor sunglasses.  
(Bastion: 1900 Life Points; Proctor: 200 Life Points)  
"Alright new guy, multiple-choice!" dared the proctor. "Ya got two Monsters starin' ya down. Do you A: Throw in the towel? B: Beg for mercy? Or C: Run home to mama?"  
Bastion declared, "I assure you, I am no loser!" He then tapped a button on his Duel Disk, triggering his Trap: Ring of Destruction.  
(Destroy a monster. Then inflict its ATK as damage to each player's Life Points.)  
"Ha, good job kid, ya got me," the man saluted graciously. A ring of grenades then spontaneously appeared around the neck of Bastion's raiding demon and blew it the heck up. Both men fell splat on the mat from the force of the blast.  
(Vorse Raider: 1900 ATK; Both: 0 Life Points)  
Doing the pistol finger gesture at the viewing public, Bastion one-lined, "I choose answer D: Epic Tie Match ." The other children started to boo and toss half-finished soda pops at him from the stands.  
The puzzled proctor then rooted through the tiny game manual that came with his _Starter Deck: Yugi Evolution_ before turning to the teacher's seats. "So, like…does that mean he's in?"

Within a seated group of boys and girls in blue blazers was a trio that gazed on from high above the rest, though more literally than anything, since that's how the seats in the back of the bleachers work. "Wow, that guy's purdy good don'cha think Chazz?" asked Billy Hills, the bespectacled wavy-haired boy to the right.  
"Shaddaaaaaap, you don't have to react to literally everything—"  
"Guess the rumors about him bein' some kinda whizz-kid were true, huh, Chazz, huh?" breathed Deep-Voice Dobbson, the sharp-headed hunk to the left, in full baritone.  
"SHAAAAAAAP!" screeched the rich boy in the middle, known to people who read _Yu-Gi-Oh! GX_ fan fiction as Chazz Princeton. "GAWD, WHY DO YOU SOUND THAT WAY? Just hush the H*CK up already, you're harshing my vibes…"

"Phweet," Jaden attempted to whistle. "That guy sure tore it up, ya know what I mean?"  
"I, I really don't," admitted Syrus. "I don't know how to play the game, I just cried when the proctor beat me and he gave me a pity-pass. Not that I'm complaining. You know there's actually—"  
"So like when's the next game, bruhski?" Jaden asked.  
"Oh, ignoring me. That's cool. I'm just glad to not be alone. I think that was the last game though."  
"WUH-WUH-WUH WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?" he wiggity-whacked, with head-shaking, eye-bugging and everything.

Back to the Teach-Zone, as pilot episodes love to juggle their scenes around like drunk street performers, Dr. Crowler was carefully applying mascara in view of a little blue compact when a secret service-looking official approached. "Excuse me, but it appears we have one last kid here who wants to take the exam, though he came late. Shall we make an exception, sir?"  
The compact smacked shut. "Buhscuse me?" Dr. Crowler interjected.  
"Um, ma'am?" he corrected himself. Crowler shot him a high-class pout before clamping her compact on the guy's nose. "Hogeeeh!"  
"You're darn tooting! And after all the work I put into making these sunken cheeks look good! Now point him to me so I can personally laugh at his dreams."  
"Aw come on Dr. Crowler, we have time for one more!" said some teacher with a stuffed-up nose.  
"Yes," agreed an older gentleman, "I AKOFF KUFF KAFF KAFF KOUGH, old…" In appropriate chorus, Crowler's cellphone rang.  
"What _is_ it, old man?" she grimaced.  
From his Duel Dome tower on an island with an active volcano, the headmaster swiveled in his chair and spoke into the receiver; "Yooo, Crowler! Just checking in, old ma'am."  
"Quite."  
"And, hey, I'm your boss, so I wanted to make sure you didn't do something like last year, when you expelled like fifty kids for throwing garlic and holy water at you."  
"Alright fine, fine fine fine! If you're all that up in arms about it, alright by me! Gawd!" the doctor hissed. "But if this kid calls me a Twilight or something, I'll send you a HUNDRED expelled kids! Ha! Don't think that last dig over, I know what I meant so I win the argument!" She spiked the cell phone to the ground, because she could afford that because she was rich. "Doesn't anyone else understand Social Duelwinism? I'll be right back after I send this low-class bumpkin away, all." Crowler pulled a small remote out from her sleeve and booped a big red button. She slowly descended out of sight via a loudly whirring platform.  
"Was that always there?" asked somebody.

" _Will Jaden Yuki please report to the Duel Pit for testing? Also Paul, call on line four, they have your results and say yes, it is contagious._ "

"Woaaaah." Jaden ascended into the depths of the arena on a platform of his own. "Swank, dawg." Directly opposite to him stood Dr. Crowler at forty paces. She had a deck-dispensing mechanism strapped to her bony chest and wielded a Duel Disk that was more cutlass than children's toy.  
"Alright, test time!"  
"HOLY CRAPPOLY! ARE YOU A CAPTAIN!?" yelped Jaden. "Where can I get one 'a those sweet coats? Can I get like a crew at Duel Academy?!"  
".…And your name, son?"  
"Jaden Yuki, cap'n!"  
"Ignoring that, I am Dr. Velian Crowler, head of the department of card techniques at Duel Academy."  
"A CAPTAIN _AND A DOCTOR?!_ "  
(Jaden and Crowler: 4000 Life Points)

"Wow, this guy's sure got some lip, huh Chazz, huh?"  
"Oh my gahh, stop trying to nab focus! What do you want, attention?" Chazz barked.  
".…..Yes, huh," murmured Deep-Voice Dobbson in a mire of shame.

"Here we go!" shouted Jaden, drawing up a hand of cards from his Poor Person Edition Duel Disk. "Awright, I'm gonna summon my Elemental Hero Avian in Defense Mode!" A swirl of sparkles swarmed about a piece of the field, calling forth a muscled man in a suit of almost furry emerald feathers, spreading his plucked-looking fake-o angel wings! A falcon claw foot sat on his left wrist, for any hero's action slashin' needs.  
(Elemental Hero Avian: 1000/1000)  
Clearly a falcon foot sucks as a weapon, but regardless, he knelt down in a blocking pose.  
"Why yes kids, it's a real foot!" Avian assured with a pearly grin. He was then pelted by beets from the audience.  
"And I'll wrap this thing up by throwin' down a face-down!" At Jaden's urging, a flat card back appeared behind Avian, who dusted some beet dirt off his downy outfit.  
"Well well well, then," Crowler haughtily huffed. "I shall—"  
"Get 'cher game on, teach!"  
"Do not rush me, boy! I play—"  
"You got it, mommy-o!"  
"CONFISCATIOOOOON!" the professor shrieked! She slapped a card right into her Graveyard slot and whisked an array of four cards into the air. "This card allows me to discard any one of your cards at a price of just one thousand Life Points! Hm hm hmm, what a _yucky_ hand. You like slang, Jaden _Yucky?_ Well, since the rest of your hand is so _yucky,_ get rid of the good one." She tapped one of the holograms, and it whirled around to face its owner: Monster Reborn! Which was a card that was in Jaden's hand!  
"Aw man! I like that one!"  
(Crowler: 3000 Life Points)  
"Next I shall, ahem, PLACE down two 'face-downs' as you may call them, and cast a Spell: Heavy Storm!" Two more cards appeared just before a raging whirlwind, complete with a screaming cow and some old guy, blew everything away!  
"Oh no my face-down!" gulped Jaden as his card exploded. "Oh no your face-downs!" gulped Jaden again as Crowler's cards exploded.  
"And do you know what what is going to happen, now that my cards have been destroyed?" challenged the 'crat.  
"Nothing?"  
"That's right. Nothing's happening."  
"Oh, thank goodness," Jaden exhaled.  
"Not YET!"  
"AAAAHHH, OH NO, AAAAHH!" Once the shrieks of terror died down, a thick miasma coated the arena without a storm to abate it. From the mists rose two four-eyed goofy-looking golden treasure snakes with puny arms and samurai helmets!  
"BLEBLULEBULEBULEB," they growled, making that cartoony Halloween tongue-wiggly sound from the cartoons.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE," Jaden reacted.

"Wow, I don't get it at all, trading cards is a young man's game I suppose," Syrus sighed.  
"Well you see," began Bastion, sitting down merely one row beneath Syrus, and without looking up at the boy, "Dr. Crowler's two Statue of the Wicked cards—"  
"I…I didn't ask you anything," rejected the blue-haired wunderkind.  
Bastion's ego deflated.

"Why a card that strong cain't be in wunna the test deyucks I reckon, Crowler must be usin' 'er own," studied Billy Hills.  
"Then this is over, huh, Billy, huh, no applicant could beat the deck of a professional like Crowler, huh."  
"Yeah it's impossible, don'cha reckon Chazz?"  
"Huh Chazz?"  
"Ya reckon, Chazz?"  
"Yeah Chazz, huh huh?"  
Chazz, with wads of cotton already stuck in his ears, buried his face in his hands and moaned the scream of a man dead inside.

"This is boring," said Alexis Rhodes, the resident girl character, who was blonde, which is notable.  
"You're too soft Alexis," announced Zane Truesdale, a steely-eyed member with a somewhat gross shade of dark blue-colored locks. Both he and her wore blue, which means they are good at card games. "I just hope we get to see that legendary rare monster Crowler has had stashed away in that deck of his."  
"...Who are you and how did you know my name?" she demanded, now beginning to fear for her life.

Below at that moment, Crowler said, "AND NOW, I SACRIFICE MY TWO WICKED TOKENS AND SUMMON THE ANCIENT! GEAR! GOOOOOLEEEEEEMMMMMM!" She held a single card aloft above her head and its holofoil frontside glowed with the force of a thousand lesser rarities. Winds kicked up around it. One would swear an ominous Latin chorus echoed through the dome. Gears, gyroids, and great plates of iron swelled from the earth itself and molded, constructed, and combined themselves into the form of a giant mechanical Spartan!  
(Ancient Gear Golem: 3000 Attack Points)

"And I'd say we're about to find out just what makes it so legendary," said Zane.  
"...Uuuuhhh…because it's better than Blue-Eyes White Dragon?" Alexis guessed, wondering where security was.

"UUUUUFUFUFUFUFU," hiss-laughed Crowler disgustingly, complete with a hand up to her mouth, to make it extra snobbish. "Now how does it feel to have ALL THIS," she motioned to the big ol' 'bot above her, "standing before you, boy?"  
"Um uh, I eat Ancient Gear Golems for, breakfast," he stammered in his attempt to sound cool and tough.  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" gasped the onlookers! "NO WAAAAAAAAAAAY! GEE TEE EFF OOH MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"He's staring down that legendary rare monster like he doesn't have a care in the world! I guess that youth and inexperience have their benefits after all, huh Alexis?" Zane assumed.  
"Well, maybe he has Smashing Ground in his hand," she guessed. "Sakuretsu Armor? Um, Raigeki? C'mon, give me more 2005-era quick monster removal here, I'm almost on a roll."  
"There won't be much left of it to show after this."  
"Oh, so you aren't listening to me. After I started to think you looked kind of hot in an older student kind of way. Fine then. Then I won't make out with you in the lady's room during this Duel. Not even if you tried to convince me otherwise. Unless you did, even a little bit. Come on. I'm giving you a lot to work with here."  
The script said that Zane said nothing, so he did.

"NOW MY GOLEM, ATTACK, ATTACK WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! WOO HOO HA HA HA!" requested the kindly teacher, foaming at the lips. "GO, DO YOUR, ERM, ROBO-PUNCH TECHNIQUE! YA-HA!" The machine obeyed. A red orb glowed from within its helm like an ersatz eye of sorts focused on its target: the hapless Avian.  
"Who, me?" asked Avian. A giant mechanical fist landed on top of him. "Ouch." THEN HE EXPLODED INTO DIGITAL TRIANGLES. The Avianic shards blew past Jaden, many of which stuck into his flesh and causing numerous lacerations! Blood spurted across the grounds! Bits of his jacket were shorn right off with classic ripping sounds! What a world!  
"OUCHIES," said Jaden.  
(Jaden: 2000 Life Points)

"Oh crap what the hell, what in the hell, what? What happened to him?" Syrus screamed. "The hell kind of card game is this?"  
"Whenever Ancient Gear Golem destroys a Monster in Defense Mode—"  
"The kid's bleeding! Oh my god! Is this the kind of school I'm going to? This is terrible!"  
"Shut up, Syrus."  
"Okay."

Jaden's head slumped, as if he were the kind of man whose carotid had just been cut. Thankfully his was fully intact. Probably. He shuddered, like, like if he was losing warmth, as a symptom of intense blood loss. Or like some kind of whine-o crybaby, ready to pop. "Oh what's this? A little real Dueling too intense for you?" mocked Crowler. "Well this is the world of Dueling you've stepped yourself into, Buster Brown! Don't you know Dueling is just the extension of two men from the 1800's shooting each other in the face with guns? If this teacher's cards are too much to handle, perhaps you should find a more appropriate job for scaredy-cats like you! Like professional poker! Ha ha!"  
The brown-haired head whipped back up with a "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was cool, teach!"  
"WH-WH-WH-WH-WH-WH-WH-WH-WH-wha?" said Crowler.  
He whisked his next card from his deck. "This is NUTHIN' like playing back at the ol' schoolyard! Sounds like at Duel Academy when I go lookin' for trouble, I won't be tryin' too hard!" He winked. A tomato narrowly avoided his face.  
"OOH," exclaimed his next card.  
"What the…?" It was Winged Kuriboh. It winked from the card art.  
"Yecch. Uh hey uh teach, this card was stuck into my deck by some weird dude at the park."  
"I will abide it, just hurry up and lose, loser-pants."  
"Okay, sweet." Jaden tore the card in half.  
"AAAAAAAAHHH!" the card shrieked. Then Jaden drew another card.  
"NOW I PLAY SKYSCRAPER!" At once a wide array of buildings sprouted from the floor like weeds, up, up into the ceiling, capped off with a friendly full moon. "Next up, I'll play The Warrior Returning Alive to take my Avian back from the Graveyard…" He swapped out a couple of cards… "And now, I'll be playing Polymerization to fuse him with the Elemental Hero Burstinatrix I just drew!"  
"...Oh. Oh bollocks," Crowler gasped, and she wasn't even FROM Britain!

"No one can be expected to know every technique Alexis, especially one as obscure as that," Zane stated. Alexis looked at him with disappointment. He didn't need to say that. Not to her.

"Oh ho, this ought to be a good show," Bastion chuckled.  
"What do you mean? I don't get this game. I kinda think I came to the wrong school test," Syrus wondered, wistfully shuffling his full deck of Pokemon cards he'd built just for the occasion. Now nobody would give his Slowking Mill engine a second glance.

"So here we go, teach. Ready to ride this one out?" challenged the student.  
"I concede," Crowler gave, predicting the end of the episode. The Gear Golem was boxed in by the copy-pasted office buildings surrounding him. With a sad shake of the head, it knew there was no way out of this one.  
Up above in the pale moonlight stood a man. He was a green man, but also, a red man. That's because part of him was red, too. And there was, like, a dragon head on the red arm. And, some cool pecs on 'im, with one wing like a one-winged angel. He was super super cool, and he had, like, the head of a half-elf half-alien baby. He was apparently even some sort of super hero. Like the Green Lantern. Wait. Is that the alien one? Ah, no. I mean the Green Goblin. But with some red and a dragon head hand on him. Now THAT'S unique.  
(Elemental Hero Flame Wingman: 2100 Attack Points)  
"Now, let's go guys! Shout it out with me!" MC'd the challenger! "Elemental Hero Flame Wingman, attack with Sky! Dive! Scorcheeeeeeer!" Nobody joined in, but someone coughed.  
"I CONCEDE I CONCEDE." The hero soared high into the sky single-wingedly and wreathed himself in flame. Bright lights blazed from all over the city; search lights enveloped him in yellow radiance. A stylized 'H' sigil spread across the full moon. This night belonged to the heroes.  
"Now for the good part…"  
"I CONCEDE I CONCEDE I CONCEDE WHY ISN'T IT CONCEDING"  
"My Flame Wingman's power is to deal damage to the opponent's Life Points equal to the power of the Monsters he destroys, and Skyscraper's gonna bump him up an extra thousand Attack Points when he fights a stronger Monster!"  
(Elemental Hero Flame Wingman: More Attack Points)  
"DO I PRESS START SELECT L AND R? IS THAT HOW IT WORKS? COME ON PEOPLE WORK WITH ME HERE YOU WIN OKAY?!"  
The blaze about the hero expanded into the shape of a phoenix, because that's just what flames wanna do. The bright city spotlights followed its descent into the body of the golem like a mallet of God, shaped like a bird and also made of fire. It exploded! It exploded. Mechanical bits and pieces rained down from above, as well as hundreds of tons' worth of metal scrap, all from right above Crowler.  
"Well, maybe I shouldn't have played the card that reduced my Life Points by a quarter in order to look superior," she understood with a calm sigh. Then she was buried in a thunderous mechanical din similar in sound and power to a billion blenders full of sparking microwaves with metal in them.  
(Crowler: 3000 - 0 Life Points; Game Over)

"NO!" screamed Chazz, bounding to his feet in a cold sweat! Gazes pressed into him from all sides. "I mean, no way, that was dumb luck, that lame kid totally top-decked the Professor what a joke HA."  
"Hey yeah, that's right," said a nearby onlooker.  
"What a punk!"  
"Winged Kuriboh makes you take 0 damage for one turn so what's the point?" reasoned another. But Chazz kept his eyes glued to the field. A few tense moments later, the gears shifted around and Crowler popped out the top of the junk heap, alive but comically-harmed. Only now could Chazz sit back down, assured of her safety.  
"That was just a fluke, yeah, a fluke," he raged quietly.  
"Yeah huh Chazz huh what a fluke!"  
"Yeah whotta fluke I reckon!"  
" **SHAAAAAAAAAP!** "

"Well, that was a game," supposed Alexis.  
"Hmph." Zane turned and cooly walked away.  
"Is that a yes?" she hoped.

"Oh good, he made it!" cheered li'l Syrus. "Now I have someone familiar who I can attach myself to like a parasite for safety! Yesssss."  
"You can always parasitize me, Syrus," Bastion offered.  
"It doesn't work that way, Bastion."  
Bastion felt hurt.

"AW YEAH!" crowed the Jaden boy amidst the disappearing holograms, doing a victory Thriller dance. He even spun on his heels and pulled a Saturday Night Fever point. "OOH!"  
"BOO! THAT'S TWO DIFFERENT PERFORMERS, YA HACK!"  
"I luv ya all! Ha ha, they love me toughly, too," Jaden told himself. "Tough love. Now where'd those card scraps get to so I can put that Kuriboh where it belongs—in the recycling bin, 'cuz all Duelists have to protect the environment and…" The two halves of the card were gone, missing from their special seats on the floor. "…Huh."  
And as a special treat to all the fans and haters, the Winged Kuriboh card slipped out from the Graveyard slot, all sneaky-like. And then you know what, it gave you a little wink. Just to make you feel special. "OOH," it cooed peacefully.  
"JEEZUM!" Jaden shrieked.

HAPPY 20th ANNIVERSARY, YU-GI-OH! GX, WHICH IS FOUR YEARS FROM NOW!


	2. Episode 2: Welcome to Duel Academy

p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;"Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic!/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;"Episode 2: Welcome to Duel Academy br /span br / A glistening new helicopter cruised out over the eastern seas. It was agonizing to look at, covered in decals of the ever-popular Blue-Eyes White Dragon done up like a pin-up girl, some of which were licking a shirtless Seto Kaiba with muscles bigger than a man could bear. Euggh. The new Duel Academy students sat nervously in their seats, squirming around, for fear of their new lives rushing at them as fast as they could fly. And also the fact that Duel Academy Island featured a live volcano larger than the actual school facilities. The ash was just BLANKETING the atmosphere with gloom, and ash. "And now, if you look out to your left," buzzed the pilot, "You will…ehhhhhm, on second thought, do NOT look at the volcano, please. I'm not turning this thing around so just close your eyes and pretend it doesn't exist, got it muchachos?" br / "THIS IS EDUCATION FOR DEATH!" Syrus realized. "WE'RE ALL JUST SACRIFICES! I GOTTA GET OUT!" He sprinted out of his seat and ducked beneath the arms of two security guards. Then he hurled open the helicopter door and tumbled down two hundred feet into the / "That's my Syrus, alright!" Jaden chuckled good-naturedly. br /br / An hour later, the new students, mainly ugly-looking boys who have never dated like myself, stood in rows inside a pristine lecture hall before a screen emblazoned 'DA' in projection, which likely stood for 'Deh, 'Ay' in greetings. All were in their snazzy new R/B/Y kid coats, even Syrus, dripping wet and wearing a beach towel like a Halloween ghost, proudly displaying his redness underneath because someone told him to. The screen buzzed and some bald guy in red bristled into focus. "Hey there guys and gals, it's me, the ol' P-Dawgy Dawg if you know what I mean, down with OPC? Heh heh?" Nobody reacted. Nobody COULD react. "It stands for 'Other People's Cards?' I thought kids liked rap music."br / "Of course we don't give a crap! We're JAPANESE," exclaimed Chazz / "Hee yeah, yew tell 'im I reckon!" Billy Hills / "I am so confused," Syrus Truesdale /span style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;" "Ignoring your /spanemspan style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 10pt;"lack of taste,/span/emspan style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;"" the man sneered, "I am Chancellor Shepherd, the head of this fine establishment! And you are all set to become the next generation of masters of Duel Monsters, or Yu-Gi-Oh or whatever we're calling it these days. Did you know I used to be a banker? And then all these card games supplanted the economy, and I was all, 'I better get in on this shizz fo nizzle!' And here I am now."br /span "If you're the headmaster then why do you wear red?" asked somebody in a blue / "Hey can somebody…" Shepherd asked, facing / "Yes sir," complied a guard, stepping into the scene. He tore off the boy's coat, leaving him in an identical yellow / "NOOO!"br / "Wahaha!" belly-laughed Chancellor Shepherd as he wiped away a tear. "Absolute power is an absolute hoot, now all of you get outta my sight, I forgot my speech. You know where you live now, go on, git!"/p  
p class="MsoNormal" Jaden and Syrus sat outside on the school lawn, leaning against the ancient Egyptian carved tablets of such greats as Baby Dragon and Ryu-Kishin Powered, and I feel like I'm making up that second name. The structure behind them was not only one building, but it seemed to be a series of successive sky-high domed schoolhouses, boxed in with a quartet of obelisks reaching for the clouds. I don't even understand how the school works, it just does I tells you. So yes, the boys sat there on their PDAs, checking out the features and tutorials (that stands for Personal Dueling Assistant because of course it does you knew it did already). Jaden suddenly flapped his own thingy closed and said, "I don't know where we live here."br / "Whaaaat?" moaned Syrus. "Jay, we're wearing the red jackets. We're with the red people! Over at Red House. At…" He put his finger to his lip in innocent thought. Then once his ignorance fully took hold of him he pretended Jaden wasn't there anymore and curled into a geek-ball. Then Bastion walked by!br / "Hey B-Boy!" Jaden called out. Bastion turned to the boy and pointed at himself. "Yeah man! How's it hangin'?"br / "This is a kind surprise, no one has ever spoken to me on purpose before!" he gasped with a soft kind of joyfulness. "And I ask to you, Jaden, how do you fare? Are you well?"br / "Can we follow you until we figure out where we stay from here? Like, we didn't even get to bring any luggage, I'm not ready to hobo-out just yet."br / "Ah, you seem to be mistaken," the 'smart' one refuted. "I live in the Ra Yellow dormitory. You two will be staying in Slifer Red's quarters. Hmmhmm, do you happen to be colorblind or something?"br / "Wh-colorblind?" spat Jaden. "Colorblind? Seriously-colorblind?" Jaden stood up and dashed his PDA across the grass. "Color-freakin' blind?!" Some of the other students were starting to watch. "Yeah I'm COLORBLIND Bastion, did you wake up at five in the morning to decide that? How did you figure it out-I JUST WANT TO KNOW MY NEW HOME! I'M LOST, MAN, WHY DO YOU HAFTA HANG THAT OVER MY HEAD?! JUST-COLORBLIND? HOLY-HOLY CRAP MAN, GENIUS, YOU'RE A GENIUS, MAN. A genius at hurting my feelings. Why don't you just call me stupid to my face? Man why don't you just tell it to me to my face?" Their eyes locked with equal levels of pain concealed within. Neither one wanted to say anything else and disturb the uneasy silence, lest it come crashing and tumbling down on their back like a spit-covered jenga tower. Two hearts were on the verge of / "Hey Jaden," said Syrus, "that guy over there's got a Slifer coat. Let's go follow him to the dorm!"br / "Oh good idea Sy! See ya Bastion!" The two Redboys stood up and tromped off after their / "See you in class, good chap!" Bastion smiled and stared up into the limitless blue above. "This is going to be a great year." /p  
p class="MsoNormal" I am now 2:30 into this 22:00 episode./p  
p class="MsoNormal" Jaden and Syrus hiked three miles down the island to the beachfront where they finally spotted a red-roofed bungalow, with TWO floors' worth of small rooms, roughly sixteen total if one was generous! "But this school has thousands of students," reasoned Syrus. "Hurry Jay, we have to do 'dibsies' on a room or else we'll be sleeping outside!" As Syrus toddled up the stairs to the salty second floor, Jaden was already way ahead of / "I'm way ahead of ya," Jaden echoed, creaking a door open. Within the 12x8 ft. abode were seventy-eight boys in red all standing straight up and struggling not to breathe what another one exhaled, packed like human / "Um, excuse me, we're trying to sleep here?" one / "Why don't you try (eheheheh) THE GHOST ROOM (GHEHEHEHEH, KRFFLFLF)?" another rando sneakily / The boys cartoonishly tip-toed next door, gently pushed the door in, and peeked inside. Here there were no children, only the chills of mystery and stale potato chip odors."Wow, this feels like sacred ground. Like we're tomb-raiding," the smaller guy imagined. "Like, like we had to go to Egypt, and go to the Pharaoh's tomb and put the magic golden things in the sarcophagus, and play one last game to send a dead man into the great beyond or something. Isn't that cool, Jaden? Isn't it cool how I know things?"br / "Shh Sy, I got a good feelin' we're gonna be seein' why they call this one the ghost room," Jaden warned. "Why else would everyone else pass by a perfectly good room…"br / "OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" yelled a hidden mass covered in blankets upon blankets from the toppest bunk bed! He shook his arms like a real wraith for a good moment before he lost his balance and fell down to the floor. "AW OW WHYYY."br / "Hey ghost! I'm Jaden!" The blanketghast whipped off five layers of sheets to reveal a fat bear-lookin' dude. You, just, really REALLY wanted to hug that guy and that koala / "Yeah well I'm not too happy to see someone else tryin' to take my room," he growled. "Don't you know to leave my place alone already? I'm trying to get my nap on! I'll go to class later, okay?"br / "Classes haven't started yet," said Syrus. The big guy, puzzled, pulled out his PDA and tapped a few / "Oh, man," said he, "I've been napping…for three years."br / ".…."br / ".….."br / "Nice to meet ya!" Jaden laughed./p  
p class="MsoNormal" The two boys soon hit the road again, taking the slow way up the dusty trail to the main building under the warm pre-autumn sun. "Wow, that guy sure could cry," laughed Jaden. "I mean yeah, he lost years of his life and all but, seriously? Like, 'ey, I'm lol'in ova hea!"br / "I agree that we should give the guy some space, but what the heck are we gonna do from here? I'm getting kind of tired, my back hurts, and I don't generally like living, you know?" Jaden swiftly stopped in his tracks and whipped his arm out in / "Hey, hey hey." Sniff, sniff sniff. "I smell DUELS!" He bolted up the road, fast as lightning, hungry for summa that action, baby!br / "Aw gosh, please feets, don't fail me now. I don't want to be lonely." He reeled his leg back and bent his arms up all Tex Avery-like, and proceeded to slowly gallop after the main character. /p  
p class="MsoNormal" The Jaden Trail lead all the way into the bowels of the academy, where Jaden's labyrinth-decoding skills lead him to a fantastic open arena! There were all sorts of…seats! And, spaces, where people could stand and Duel in a big ring! And there were even lights in the ceiling! "Woooow, state of the art," he / "I'll take your word for it," Syrus gasped breathlessly, sliding into the room on his face. A moment later his head jerked upright and he screamed, "Oh no! Bullies!"br / "Hm?" noted Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson as they stood in the middle of the ring. They quickly stashed away their pixie sticks and bit-o-honeys in their deck boxes for camouflage and stepped down to the Slifer / "Whut, you callin' us bullies huh Slifer Red, huh?" Deep-Voice Dobbson demanded, picking Syrus up off the / "Uh uh uh uh."br / "Yeah, I reckon this little kid's callin' us bullies, Dobbson!" assumed Billy Hils, dusting off Syrus' coat with his / "Huh, Billy, huh, you know what we do ta kids who come in to our turf callin' us bullies?" He took out a hair brush and set Syrus' hair back into place and then gave it a quick spritz with a spray / "Yeah, we tell 'em ta beat it, I reckon!" Billy Hills took out a dum-dum pop and slipped it into Syrus' pocket. Syrus / "Hey step off man," said / "What, we're just tryin' 'a keep everyone followin' the rules I reckon, see?" The bespectacled Billy Hills motioned to a big ol' Obelisk the Tormentor head hung up over the entryway from whence they'd come like some old deer mount. "This arena's our turf, Slifers n' Ras ain't allowed on our campus all unsupervised-like, I reckon, so you better skedaddle unless someone's gettin' in trouble…"br / "I'm sorry, please don't beat us up, I'll give you my Pokemon cards!"br / "Huh! He thinks we're gonna beat im' up!" Deep-Voice Dobbson erupted in a distinctly Yogi Bear-like /span style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;" "I reckon he thinks he's cruisin' fer a bruisin'!" The two began to shake with fear; why does this kind of thing ALWAYS HAPPEN to them?! "Ain't we been kindly 'nuff? Go on, git, afore I reckon somethin' /spanemspan style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 10pt;"real/span/emspan style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;" bad happens!"br /span "Shut it already, ya thugs! I ain't afraid of you, and I ain't gonna let you keep terrorizing my friend!" defended Jaden. He pulled out a folded paper Dueling mat from his last theme deck purchase, sat down on the Dueling stage criss-cross applesauce style and shuffled his cards. "You mess with him you mess with me, so let's cut the crap and cut the deck. Let's Duel!"br / "WAIT A MINUTE!" One Chazz Princeton jumped to his feet from the stands, in the blind spot of the entryway. "I thought that was your stupid voice, I didn't know it was your stupid…you!"br / "Heyo!" greeted Jaden / "You must think you're hot stuff, don'cha Slifer slacker? Beating Prof. Crowler like that must make you feel real good about yourself."br / "Yugi Muto gave me a trading card and thought I was real cool."br / "Dumbest lie I ever heard," chortled Chazz. "I'm the only one here who passed Duelist prep school with top marks, in the top classes, with the top looks." He ran his fingers through his hair. It may have looked strange, but it kept the sun out of his eyes every day. "You're just trash in the presence of the future King of Games..."br / "Oh wow which one, Monopoly? 'Cuz I got Duel Monsters."br / "HA HA HA HA! THAT WILL BE THE DAY," Billy Hills and Deep-Voice Dobbson giggled / "SHADDAP!" crowed Chazz. "Red Boy!"br / "Syrus?"br / "No!"br / "Jaden Yuki, nice to meet you."br / "Oh, Chazz Princeton, thank you hey stop doing that! We're Dueling right here, right now!"br / From behind Syrus, Alexis Rhodes entered the room. She sternly put a hand on her hip and announced, "Hey, I just got sent all the way down here to let you know you're late for the welcome dinner, and because you're the fancy Princeton boy we're all being made to sit and wait for you, so…"br / "Wow, she sure isn't in MY league," Syrus noted with tiny broken hearts in his / "Aw fine! Whatever! Let's go eat some stinkin' caviar and stuff with gold dust sprinkled on it!" groaned the richboy, taking his leave. "Gawd, you poor people don't know how good you have it. You shoulda been thanking me!" His two hangers-on trailed behind / "Rich people food, yecch, I reckon," Billy Hills / "Sorry that kid tried to push you around or whatever I just walked into, nobody likes him," said Alexis, taking all the responsibility like a cool / "Aw, what? He's a real character yo!" assuaged Jaden. "Though, I kinda wish we did get to Duel or something."br / "Oh…well, whatever," Alexis shrugged. "Your welcome dinner's probably about to start too, so…"br / "Woah! We get to eat people food here?!" he gasped, packing up his cards and leaping to his feet! "C'mon Sy, let's book it!"br / /p  
p class="MsoNormal" As night fell across the island, the Slifer Red dormitory students peered over a couple of small, burnt fish and a croissant. "What is this, the bible?"br / The first floor of the Slifer bungalow was the mess hall and kitchen with nothing but the least fine furniture available. Heck, one kid's chair leg snapped off and he wasn't even heavy. At the head of the assembly was some dumb brown cat, just sitting on a table. "Should…should we touch it?"br / "Dude no. It might be the Headmaster."br / From the kitchen area emerged a tall, lanky, anemic kind of man in plain dress and glasses, so you could tell he was quiet and quirky. Yeah. "Hello students," he rasped nicely. "My name is—" He slipped and hit his face on the table. And then he didn't / "...Woah. Like, who was that?" someone / "That was friggin' scary."br / "Professor Cat, should we call security?"br / Upstairs, Syrus brewed tea in his and Jaden's room and poured it into cheap clay cups. "This is the best I could do in a single night, and I'm not fully convinced the leaves I found aren't poison. But if you ignore the clay bits in the drink it might be okay. Would you like a cup, Chumley?" The big boy in the top bunk let loose a moan. "Okay then, Jaden?" Jaden sat with his back to the wall fiddling around with his / "Hey, I think I got a message from that Chazz guy." He poked open a little mail icon and up popped a recorded video message, starring Chazz /span style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;" "/spanemspan style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 10pt;"Hey, loser. Tonight. Midnight. Be back at the Obelisk Duel Arena and take your lumps,/span/emspan style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;"" he dared. "/spanemspan style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 10pt;"And hey, just to make it interesting, what do you say to an ante? Whoever wins gets the loser's best card…I'll show you why I'm the King of Games. I know how to play against your Hero cards and I'll take them away from you, whether you like it or not…/span/emspan style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;""br /span "Wow! That's exciting! A little Midnight Run action, I'm psyched!"br / "Jaden, no, please don't do this. You could lose your Flame Wingman, I'm presuming!" warned Syrus, Team Wimp. "Chumley, Chumley please! Talk some sense into him! He's gonna Duel Chazz Princeton of all people!"br / Chumley peered over the edge of the bed and stared down with his beady black eyes. "I don't know the kid. Sounds like a tool. Anyways if you go into the facilities after dark, you get expelled. So, yeah, don't."br / "Wow, I didn't think about it in terms of losing my education so I couldn't live a better life for myself and my family," Jaden reconsidered. "You know what, thank you Chumley, I think I will stay put right here and have a good time…with my friends."br / "I'm not your friend, man."br / "You say that now, playa! We'll see, we'll see."br / "So, wait, you mean you are really staying in tonight?" checked / "Yeah! For reals!"br / "Oh! Okay, this is good! I mean I'm a little upset you listen to him and not me, but this is doable!"br /span style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;" "I'm tellin' ya man, nothing's more important than an education in this fast-paced career card game world! Gotta learn how to read the cards and all…" Jaden rested his hands on the back of his head and sighed away his hunger pains. "This is going to be one /spanemspan style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 10pt;"interesting/span/emspan style="mso-spacerun: 'yes'; font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; font-size: 10.0000pt;" year…"/span /p  
p class="MsoNormal" Hours later, Chazz was found sitting alone in the middle of the Obelisk Dueling Arena by multiple security guards, shaking with frustration and struggling to hold in his salty tears. "I feel stupid," said Chazz./p 


	3. Episode 3: A Duel in Love

Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic!

Episode 3: A Duel In Love

Ah, Duel Academy Island. Another day of poor air-quality living. Some students had already taken to putting plastic covering over the window-shutters to help deflect some of the volcanic ash. Parents willingly sent their children there.  
"So, like, there are Normal Monsters, Effect, Fusion, Ritual, and then there are Spell and Trap cards," recited Alexis Rhodes, standing at her seat in the middle of a lecture. "But then depending on how you want to do this, should I go into the other, dicier ones like Synchros, or do I keep it current? I can keep going."  
"That is quite enough, Miss Rhodes," Crowler glowered from the head of the first-year classroom. "No wonder a marvel like you made it to Blue on your first try! Keep up that medium-awareness and you'll rule the Dueling world in no time!" Alexis sat back down as Crowler's eyes prowled the students like two hungry lions, searching for something to rip apart. Ah, Syrus, either "the dumb kid" or "the so-shy-he-turns-himself-dumb kid." The perfect scholastic sacrifice... "YOU THERE SYRUS!" Crowler screeched! She pointed at him and roared on, "FIELD SPELLS! NOW NOW NOW DO IT SAY IT"  
"Whuuhuhh?! Aaahh," Syrus gasped, disarmed.  
"GIVE IT TELL US SPELL CARDS GOT IT COME ON COME ON OUT WITH IT"  
"I don't-I uh, the question?" The professor was walking closer, now alternating right and left points like two pistons.  
"TELL US FIELDS WHAT'S FIELDS DON'T KNOW HUH DO YOU KNOW HUH HUH HUH HUH?"  
"Now, thayut's whut I call a Slifer Slacker, I reckon he cain't even pay attention!" Billy Hills said matter-of-factly, like it were some kind of Aesop, even.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha," a handful of terrible children laughed mechanically.  
"Tee hee," said Chazz.  
"I mean, um, gimme a second please," Syrus murmured to the floor. "It's, like, you um, you tap it..." Jaden, seated to Syrus' right, nudged him and flashed a thumbs-up.  
"You got this booooeeeeeey," he promised.  
"Thanks Jay," Syrus appreciated. He took a deep breath, he cleared his throat and he declared, "Field Spells such as Island and Plains are"  
"Sit down, that will be all," rejected Crowler. Syrus' head made a loud 'THUNK' against the desk as his legs gave. "Now, will someone not wearing red give me a correct answer this time?"  
"Ha ha ha ha ha," laughed the same people.  
Jaden raised his hand. "Does everybody remember that time I beat you at Duel Monsters?" Then he jumped up on the desk and started doing that old stupid dance where you wave your hands over your wigglin' knees.  
"Ha ha ha ha ha," the people laughed.  
"HNNNNNGH!" growled Crowler, taking out an embroidered wetnap and pulling it with her teeth over-dramatically. "SHOWN UP BY A SLIFER! I'LL SHOW YOU, JADEN _YUCKY!_ "

One class later, Professor Lyman Banner of the Slifer dormitory took the floor and pet his fat cat across his lap. "No, you see, the cat isn't the dorm head. I am."  
"But if you say that, then why did the cat greet us at the dinner?"  
"No no, he's MY cat, I was indisposed-"  
"Teacher, can you get this man to leave the room? He's SCARING us."

As that happened, Dr. Crowler was hard at work in her office, which featured a real action suit of armor and a real action quill pen! Having just used it, she chucked the pen back in the ink well and surveyed the letter she'd just completed. "Boy am I petty," she self-congratulated. She stowed away her note in an envelope and sealed it with a kiss.

Another transition, another class-because of course, as with any high school setting, it's important to get the feeling that they really do have classes and learn in them. It matters to their world. For example: Gym class. Teaches your body how to move. How to groove. How to survive being attacked by hologram projections of ancient evil monsters. The class was properly sports jersey'd up and stood at attention in the Duel Gym, which deserves no further description. Jaden looked left, and he looked right. Then he looked dead ahead. "Hey, where's Syrus?" he said in a quarter-serious voice. Inside of the boy's locker room, Crowler crawled around like a secret agent, tippy-toes style.  
"And now to locate Yucky-boy's locker..." She opened a locker. There were some generic school uniform shoes inside. She opened the next locker. More shoes were inside. She tried one more. Shoes. "Well...I guess this is...the best I can do for now..." She chucked it over her shoulder and left awkwardly. As she did, from the opposite end of the room, Syrus entered, sliding in like the worm he was. He sighed deeply.  
"This is how I feel all the time," he announced, to nobody. It was pitiful. His forehead all of a sudden lost touch with the floor-he'd his parchment. "What's this?" He lifted his head up off the floor and locked eyes with-what else but a lipstick-marked letter? "OOOEEEH?" he inhaled. Gently, as if it were forbidden, he gripped the paper with his baby-small hands. "This is...for me? But I'm incredibly _un_ -attractive! It doesn't make any sense!" He crinkled the envelope open and read deeply from the contents within:

 _I think you're pretty hot. Can we, like, talk this out over a hot kiss? I wanna see you. I'm free tonight at around 7 at the girl's Obelisk dorm. If you're as serious as I am, then I'll let you have me-but you have to prove it first._

 _-Alexis Rhodes_

"HUBBA WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" Syrus screamed to the heavens, as if he'd blasted a laser beam out of his mouth. Slowly gathering his wits back together, he came upon the startling realization-"I may not have to die alone in my old age after all!"

Night fell, and Jaden entered his dorm room in track suit and damp hair. Rubbing his tiny towel against it he said, "Man, if you can learn how to shower in an outhouse, I wanna see the tricks they can pull at an IN-house! Ha ha. Anyways, thing's all yours, Sy, get to it before the other thousand Reds figure out-"  
"Syrus's not here," said Chumley, listening to some didgeridoo on headphones, snackin' on eucalyptus leaves and reading a koala magazine. "He ran out a minute ago, looked kinda stressed out."  
"Huh."

Midway across the lake around the Obelisk Blue woods, Syrus was paddling a rowboat by himself, dressed in a fine children's tuxedo, with a bouquet of pink roses across his legs. "Okay but if in scenario twelve she thinks that the flowers are a tacky gesture I'll have to try appealing to her in some other way to prove my seriousness. Scenario thirteen could have me exclaiming my goal to become a proper Duelist and asking her to help me learn and grow to become a man worthy of her affections. She may like that. But judging from one day of classes this would likely lead to scenario fourteen where she thinks that's a weak, pitiful appeal based out of films written by men about guys who always get the girl as if that happens in real life. If I don't do that it leads to scenario fifteen where based on how we know nothing of each other except for basic looks she has an attraction to me based on my incredibly youthful looks and wants a little boy-like figure to fool around with. Normally that would be disturbing but I don't have the liberty to pick and choose a lover since I'm such a weak pathetic human being who should take what he should get. I would then have to appeal to her based on buzzwords like 'cuteness' and 'boyish.' Oh gosh but additional plans based on that contingency rely on me even making it to that stage...rrrrgh!" He scrunched his hands around through his hair in defeat and wailed, "NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK AND APPLY THIS KNOWLEDGE TO SCENARIOS ONE THROUGH SEVEN!"

A shadow traced around the lake's edge far ahead of Syrus in his crappy boat. The shade leaped over bushes, trapeezed along branches, all the way to the Obelisk dormitory gates, locked with strict chains wrapped around…but they were no match for the shadow's heavy-duty pliers. "Mwee hee hee," it laughed. Or rather, she. Crowler in her full-body ninja suit sneered. "Time to watch the fireworks..."  
" _Hey 'Lex, wanna go to the Obelisk wading pools?_ " asked a girl inside the building, loudly, apparently.  
" _Wait why do we have a hot springs? Are we American or not, who designed this place? Oh. Sorry. I thought you said hot springs. This place is just constantly weirding me out,_ " apologized Alexis Rhodes.  
 _Yes yes, discuss it up girls, be the catnip I so sorely need to pull off the plan of the century! Once that Jaden strolls in here like a fool…_ Crowler pulled a camera out from someplace, or something. _I'll snap a photo so scandalous he'll be sent home to Mama Eminem, or whatever the rapsters are calling themselves these days! Come, come and be smote with pubescent humiliation…!_  
"AAAHHHHH!" screamed Syrus as a flock of teenage girls whacked him with ropes.  
"A BOY!"  
"GIT'M, GIT'M!"  
"ME NEXT!"  
Disappointedly, Crowler sank back into the brush and took a mental note: _Remember to force faculty to assign shoe name tags next year._

A short while later, Syrus had been properly contained in an iron cage built too inches too small within the grand foyer of the dormitory. There was, like, a lion head fountain in the middle for no reason, and, the whole walls, they were GOLD I think, like wow. Three Duelists of the female persuasion leered at him, arms folded. Angry McArgue, the red-headded step-child. Nancy Wut, the black-haired gal whose eyes drifted in opposite directions. And the big boss herself: Alexis Rhodes, the one we know already. "So, ready to explain yourself?" Alexis asked.  
"I don't understand what's happening, I got your letter!" petitioned Syrus. "Did you forget?"  
"More like you forgot to SHUT UP!" Angry McArgue yarped, stomping on the cage.  
"Nyeep!"  
"I got this, guys," Nancy Wut declared, taking a step forward. She pulled Syrus' letter out of her pocket. "See, this!" She stuck it in Alexis' face at a proper reading distance.  
"I…didn't write this," Alexis stated.  
"Alexis, you don't have to lie," Syrus said softly. "I ran through every possible simulation in my head, and I came to the decision that you don't deserve a loser like me. Simulation 74 is the most positive result for you, where you realize you're too good for me and go on to greener pastures while I die alone. Which is how it should be. I'm sorry…but it's for the best."  
"First off." Alexis pointed to the back of the letter. It was marked in bright red letters, 'FOR JADEN YUCKY ha ha.'  
"Son of a gun," Syrus gasped.  
"Secondly, I thought I'd established that Zane Truesdale is freaking hot, and I'm still slowly trying to unravel what makes him tick," she stated proudly. She licked her lips a little.  
"Oh don't get me wrong, I understand," gulped Syrus Truesdale. "So does this mean I've fallen for a trick that wasn't even meant for me?"  
"And that you didn't come to bug the girl's bathrooms to send a video feed to the darkweb for only the highest bidders?" checked Angry McArgue. Everyone looked at her. "What? He might have!"  
"Girls?" chimed Ms. Fonda Fontaine, the fancy schmancy gym teacher with like a ponytail on the front of her head, because Yu-Gi-Oh hair is special. She stepped out from a second-floor walkway overlooking the area in full beddybye attire, robe and all. "Just what's going on down there? Hmm?"  
"Ah!" yelled Angry McArgue, whisking Syrus' cage off the floor and presenting it proudly.  
"Eep," he said.  
"Tut tut, you girls know that you shouldn't keep pet monkeys in cages too small for them to sit up properly," she instructed. "I expect you three to fix that in the morning. Poor little guy… _you kids make me sick._ " And with that she left.  
"Grr," said Angry McArgue.  
"So what now?"  
"Well, I'm bored, so let's screw around," Alexis decided. She pulled out her PDA and immediately told it, "Hey, we're gonna kill Syrus, so…"

Two seconds later, Jaden tackle-dove out of his boat and onto the dirt opposite Alexis and her galz, who had Syrus hogtied like a rodeo dikdik. "What're you doin' to my friend, dawg? And I don't mean that in a derogatory manner!" Jaden demanded.  
"Oh, he came on female dorm premises, so I decided to use him to lure you out, so we could Duel or something," Alexis shrugged.  
"I'm not actually in danger," said Syrus.  
"Quiet, hostage!" said Nancy Wut as she stomped his head.  
"Hey hey! Fine, I'll Duel you already! Just let'm go!"  
"Kay, thanks. If you win, I won't tell security on you guys." Alexis bent down and pulled gently on the tip of Syrus' rope, almost instantly unfurling the knot completely.  
"Jaden, I'm sorry. I forgot that my trying anything ruins everything for everybody."  
"That's okay Sy," said Jaden.  
"…You were supposed to follow that up with something encouraging."  
"Not tonight, you really screwed the pooch on this one yo."  
"Dang it."

Both parties rowed out to the center of the lake to avoid being caught by the sounds of their gnarly card game. On one boat stood Jaden, half-excited and half-disturbed by the notion of no more free school lunches. On the other was Alexis, what, what was she doing? Oh, looks like she's chewing on some bubble gum. That's cool. Each wore their fancy playin' Duel Disk. "I hope this doesn't end in utter humiliation!" supposed Syrus, accepting it.  
Further into the water was a floating Crowler, eyes peeled for action. "Ooh hoo hoo, maybe I will see Yucky-boy humiliated by an Obelisk tonight! I should've packed dehydrated snacks…"  
"Let's do it!"  
(Jaden and Alexis: 4000 Life Points)  
"Get yer game on, Alexis," Jaden pushed.  
"Is that harassment?" yelled Angry McArgue.  
Ignoring that, Alexis placed a card on her card-playin' device and announced, "I play Etoile Cyber and a face-down card." Some sort of figure skater with ribbons on her arms appeared in front of an untriggered Trap card.  
"M-HM!" she hmmed, or something.  
(Etoile Cyber: 1200 Attack Points)  
"Alright then, tonight I'm gonna have to be serious about things," Jaden swore, drawing his next card, "so I'm about to throw down here in Water Town! I summon the Elemental Hero Sparkman, here to give ya a li'l razzle dazzle fo' shnazzle!"  
"Please stop slanging," Syrus begged, humiliated. Some kind of blue-leotarded man with a cool helmet and I think a golden bulletproof vest appeared; he also had some sharp pylons on his back for some reason!  
(Elemental Hero Sparkman: 1600 Attack Points)  
"I'mma attack your Etoile Cyber! Sparkman, give her a shock to her system with superhero Static Shock, whoop whoop!"  
"I like this guy," Nancy Wut decided. Sparkman stretched one hand outward, revealing a golden orb pulsing with electric potential. A cascade of sparks transformed into a full-on boltic lance that shot across the water.  
"Pssh, I can take 1600. I activate the Trap card Doble Passe!" Up flipped her Trap card, featuring some lonely dancer lady wearing a creepy smiley mask. "Your attack on my Monster becomes a direct attack to me!" As the bolt of electricity approached the Etoile Cyber, she suddenly skated and twirled across the water, aka unfrozen ice! The electric bolt electrocuted Alexis herself instead. She convulsed with pain for a moment before regaining composure and straightening her sleeveless blazer. She began to say something, but cartoonish black smoke billowed out of her mouth instead.  
(Alexis: 2400 Life Points)  
"Heh heh, that is good for me," said Jaden.  
"Also it deals damage to you equal to the target's Attack," Alexis added. Etoile Cyvber spun across the water with one leg fully extended, and plowed it right into Jaden's face!  
"Oh. GUWAAAAH!" he squealed.  
(Jaden: 2800 Life Points)  
"This is fun, huh? Wanna try something else I can counter?" Alexis invited.  
By this point, Crowler was just chowing down on damp popcorn.  
"I'll end it here for now," Jaden decided with a tentative gulp.  
"Ah, and check the Duel Monsters wiki. Doble Passe's second effect is that my targeted monster can attack you directly on my next turn," Alexis added.  
"What? That can't be right!" Syrus shrieked.  
"I don't know about you, but I play by TCG rules, not anime rules, bitch. And also, Etoile Cyber gains 500 Attack Points while she Attacks Directly," Alexis added. Etoile Cyber's armribbons unfurled as she spun around and around, extending into a sharp razor field of death around her. Once she got close enough, she scored a deep slash on Jaden from three meters away.  
"OUCHIES!" he cried.  
(Jaden: 1100 Life Points)  
"And now, in my Main Phase 2," Alexis began.  
"There was a Main Phase 1? What is this game?" panicked Syrus.  
"I'll summon Blade Skater to the field!" Etoile Cyber continued her manic spin around the field like a screaming top of death as a purple pirate-earring skater lady slid onto the water! Given the low friction however, she slid backward eighteen feet before embarrassedly scooting back to her proper place on the water.  
"Uh, hi," she greeted sheepishly.  
(Blade Skater: 1400 Attack Points)  
"Now, Polymerization!" Alexis tossed a Spell onto her Duel Disk; Etoile Cyber twirled and twirled until she bumped right into Blade Skater an bowled 'em both over.  
"OOF!" they said! But their bodies liquified and combined in a cyclone swirl, fusing into a brand new form: some long green-haired skater lady with cool shades! "Ho yeah!" she said all cool-like.  
(Cyber Blader: 2100 Attack Points)  
"You can't fuse a monster out of Sparkman to beat her; when you have one monster on the field, Blade Skater can't be destroyed by battle. You can't summon a stronger monster to go with him; when you have two monsters, her Attack Points double. You can't swarm the field with special effects, because when you have three, all your card effects are negated," Alexis narrated self-assuredly. "I've got the Duel Academy meta handled all in one card, I know how simple peoples' strategies are here. But if you want to give it a try…"  
"Woo!" cheered Nancy Wut, waving a foam #1 finger around.  
"This isn't good," Angry McArgue grouched. "If Alexis wins I may run out of things to complain about."  
"There's just one thing you forgot about there Alexis," said Jaden. "Hey Sy! You're gonna love this card: Fusion Gate!" Jaden slipped a special Spell into a little side compartment on his Duel Disk…  
"Is that a joke about the Field Spell thing? Are you…being mean to me?" Syrus gasped.  
"Uh, I hope not?" A mystery swirl and a field of polygonal lines traced the water, as if it would make the game field look somewhat cooler. Your mileage may vary on that one. "This card lets both players do Fusion Summons without Polymerization, and so I'll be removing the Sparkman from my field with the Elemental Hero Clayman in my hand!" A big ol' bulky man o' clay jumped onto the field and sank into the void with Sparkman. The water splashed and raged until a brand new hero splashed back out, one wearing a heavy-duty plasma ball-holdin' chest plate over a purple jumpsuit, with claws I think? Because it's part of his good guy superhero suit? Well, he was big, and that's reassuring.  
(Elemental Hero Thunder Giant:2400 Attack Points)  
"Oh, crap…what's his power again?" Alexis checked as her spirit sank.  
"I discard a card. He blows away a monster with less original Attack Points than he has."  
"Okay. Figures." A bolt of lightning struck Cyber Blader and she exploded into a storm of bloody chunks! It was totally freaky! Like, yecch! Crowler even threw up!  
"And now TG (that's Thunder Giant yo, just so ya know, it's fer short), attack her with-"  
"I fold," announced Alexis.  
(Alexis: 2400 - 0 Life Points, Game Over)  
Elemental Hero Thunder Giant exploded into squishy red pieces as well! It was just horrible! Oh my gosh! "My eyes!" Syrus cried.  
"Hey, you got me!" Alexis admitted. "Sucks, I forgot that other people actually know about hard removal in this game…I got countered."  
"So, are we cool or what?" asked Jaden. "Are you going to let us go free now?"  
"It was an obvious lie, you know," Alexis said. "Did you really think I was really gonna have you guys thrown out over a dumb prank?"  
"That was scenario forty-eight, actually," Syrus clarified.  
"No hard feelings?" She offered an open hand between boats. The winner snatched a paddle out of Syrus' mitts, slapped it across the water, jettisoning their raft towards Alexis', and went PA-YOW, slappin' her a strong five.  
"I can't stay mad at anyone who's got game!" he giggled.  
"Ouch. Don't do that."  
"I'm still lonely," said Syrus.  
"Come on! Why can't we turn 'em in?" Angry McArgue argued. "I mean look, a teacher is _right there!_ " She motioned to Crowler, dressed in a black bodysuit, sitting scrunched up fetus style bobbing around in the light surf, surrounded by unpopped popcorn kernels and a cloud of barf floating ominously near.  
"I just realized that I am teaching a class tomorrow morning," muttered Professor Crowler.


End file.
